Rescue Me From All That I Am

It's been some time since I posted anything.

Last night was interesting. All I did was straighten my hair and wear a tighter shirt than usual (but by no means a tight shirt) and I had girls flying off me left and right. I have my eye on one.

I've had my eye on one, and I just forgot about it. I wish she screwed me over a year or so ago, it would have made my life so much better right now. If she sees this she's gonna know it's her. I don't give a damn. She likes straightforward guys. Nice to meet you, I obsess over you. Excessively. Recently. A lot.

"Sweet Josephine, will you carry me home?"

Each Night I Pray To God He'd Let Her Rest

This house is a fucking shrine.

Get her out of here. We've been through it all. Well... for the most part.
Should I feel guilty? It's creeping it's way up. I wasn't there.

She wasn't either. Whore. You're not worth shit. You never will be. I'm glad we went our separate ways, because when I have a good life going for me, you're gonna be knocking on my door asking to live in my basement. Suck my dick. You have experience. Partywhore.

wasting hours wasted.

Fuck ups. Absolute fuck ups.
Burn in hell. I mean that.

I'd Give You Everything If Only I'd Have Known You'd Take It

Pearl, you're an ass.
it's obvious. it really is. you're playing games. you're creating paranoia. I have a good thing going. don't take it.
i seriously would give you everything i could.

i would.

They Offered Their Hearts... and We Tore Them Apart

So I'd like to take a moment to discuss something really important in my life.

The Amory Wars

I know I know, claiming that a story created by a band isn't really the "coolest" thing to do, but I don't give a shit because Coheed is my life. my love.

Year of the Black Rainbow was just released on Coheed's myspace last night, and I've already listened to the entire album, consecutively, a solid 7 times straight. That doesn't include all the little individuals jams to the top tracks.

YOBR is the prequel to everything that happened in the Amory Wars up to date. I've heard that it's very "sci-fi" of Claudio to choose to do a prequel to his masterpiece, mirroring the works of George Lucas and his precious series. He didn't intend it to be this way, though. Claudio has been talking about his prequel ever since the first Good Apollo.

THIS ISN'T MY POINT... what am I even talking about?

I wanted to voice my theories on the concept of YOBR. Not that anyone really cares, but I just want it out there for the record (PUN). I believe YOBR switches POV between the characters and The Writing Writer. I believe something is going wrong with Ericka Court in TWW's life, so he decides for some unknown-by-me reason to put a "black rainbow", or elongated black hole (?), over the keywork. This causes some sort of chaos in the story that Wilhelm seems to take advantage of to overthrow the Mages. I believe "the Black Rainbow" the song seems to give hints as to that the setting of YOBR is the War of the Mages. There are hints of a war throughout all of Claudio's art surrounded in this albums release.

That's all I can speculate so far.

I know I'm being judged like a motherfucker right now, I just don't care enough to hide things.

Slowly Discarded Were The Remains of His Lonely Youth

Let me start this one with the disclaimer that in no way, shape, or form do I miss her. Blonde was never my color anyway.

I miss having a girlfriend. I like the late-night cuddles. They are my favorite. I've become quite asexual for a teenage boy lately, so it's not even about the ass... I miss having a girl I could be my complete self around. I could tell her anything. I mean ANYTHING. And I could do anything around her without fear of being judged. I can't say that for anyone anymore. I mean anyone.

Sure, my two little girlies are nice, but they don't cut it. They're close friends. Nothing more. I like saying I'm at peace with that, but we'll not get into that right now. I can't be my complete self around them. I can't act how I would if I were alone around them. I gotta be honest in saying I'm most myself around Andrew...

ick.

I need a girl. This sounds very desperate. It's not. I could get a girlfriend in a minute if I wanted. I know at least half a baker's dozen that would go for me should I want them. I'm just picky. It's as if I take as quiz for them and they all fail miserably.

I just got distracted.

I think it's time for new hair colors. spicy.

Tools of the Trade

I'm a writer. I'm a musician.

I have no emotion. I'm emotional. I'm shallow. There's more to me than you know.

I'm bipolar.

I have a six-page document file in my computer entitled "ideas". It's a list of words that makes sense to no one but me. It's close to my heart. As new as it is (probably two weeks old), it's holding my future. No one will see it but me. I showed it to Weir once, but that's probably it. He's my rhythmic self. I'm my melodic self.

I think people try to over do everything. Self-example: I used to think I was born mentally ill, but it turns out I was a blue baby, and that's all. Because of this thought, my mind thought it would be cool to develop a phobia of the mentally ill. This mental illness-fear eventually did spread to physical dysfunctions and things of the sort.

I'm afraid of really old people.

My point: Things like what I mentioned (also supported by the fact that I listen to music really loudly when I drive) are solely done to be noticed. People strive to be known by other people. It's our purpose, it's our overall goal. My way to obtain this omnipotent goal is music. I'm a hip-hop writer. I'm white, so I'll stick to the limits established to society. You'll all see.

I blame other things and people for my own flaws. I'm flawless. It's the wind that made the ball go out, thalassemia is the reason I can't run, I'm not famous because others try too.

Thalassemia is a bullshit excuse of mine. Never let me use it. Ever. Here I go again. It's your fault I use that bullshit excuse. Another bullshit excuse of mine. I self-inflict.

Don't we all?

I'm a scribe. We're all marionettes.