Friday, March 19, 2010

In My Presence You Will Make Sure the Fiction Meets Its Fate

Apparently I'm a romantic.

I don't believe it. This year I've been living the "hit it and quit it" motto, and I believe the situations I've been in this school year can support that. The nomad who told me this "romantic" thought knows me. I might be. I might be the guy that you see in the movies. I want to be.

Prove there is a god. I never capitalize that word. Well, I have, but every time I'm conscience of it, I revoke the Catholic-established believe in that being a proper name. I ask so many questions about religions because I want someone to persuade me. Those little "proofs" of "G"od are not accurate. Science can explain why the Earth is where it is. "therefore, God exists". I hate that phrase. It's philosophical, sure. And philosophy is my favorite state of mind, so why not? Because it's bullshit philosophy.

I'm straightedge. I'd like to talk about that. I don't drink, smoke cigarettes, or do drugs. First off, alcohol is retarded. I know a girl who drinks every weekend. That is not an exaggeration. Granted her reason is not just for a fun time, she has responsibilities I wish to never have to face, and she's just blowing it away with the alcohol that leads to her eventual premarital bullshit. Hah, if you know my life in any way, you know why I'm against cigarettes. Oh hey, you two maternal figures, nice knowing you. Time to die. Hope it was worth it. My aunt was a druggie. If my dad knew I was blogging about this he'd be terribly pissed off with me. Hah. Needless to say, Val was very very acquainted with tractor-trailers at the time of her death.

To be honest though, this isn't half of my life. My life is fairly normal as of now. School, tennis, shows, music. Teenage boshiz. I won't pretend and be all "I've been through shit you've never been through before, fucker. That makes me cooler", because it's simply not true. Everyone has bad times. I'm lucky.

I didn't know people actually read these blogs until now. That vaguely makes me want to censor what I say, but I probably won't.

Life is a mental game. Always.

I struggle with paranoia and my own self-worth.

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